xgenepositive:

nosdrinker:

no dog should ever be homeless

no home should ever be dogless

(Source: nosdrinker, via perks-of-being-chinese)

435,002 notes

arrowdactyl:

when you say a great comeback without stuttering

image

(via geckobros)

250,994 notes

mszombi:

meladoodle:

one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad

Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.

(Source: meladoodle, via i-cannothide-this)

183,667 notes

lookslikeazipper:

Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT

I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON

HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF

AM I DREAMING

(Source: officialjipersnoe, via geckobros)

243,745 notes

codeinewarrior:

me: hey can i have some money?

bank teller: do you have an account with us?

me: nah i just heard yall got money

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

121,591 notes